the candle that burns itself

zainab al-ghazali (may Allah have mercy on her) wrote a shocking memoir about her time in prison, under Gamal Abdel Nasser. In English its called 'The Return of the Pharaoh'.


One story that struck me was zainab's recounting of how the Muslim Brothers lived in prison. This particular episode was regarding food.


Besides the Brothers, there was also a group of socialist youths, if i remember correctly. And zainab wrote in admiration about the difference between the Brothers and the other youths.


When the Brothers got their food, they didn't fight over it. They distributed it among themselves, even if it was a single piece of bread. But the other youths, they used to fight over such things like the bed, measuring it to make sure no one crossed his line. 


This spirit of selflessness, i believe, not only helped the Brothers to survive prison. It was the key to their success in calling people to Allah. Their sincerity struck at the hearts of people. "he doesn't want anything from me. he doesn't want my money, my food, my things. he's not asking from me anything other than islam. this religion must be true."


i long to see such men, and lament their absence. Where is our selflessness? today i see people uphold the policy of 'our stomachs first'. 


I remember back in the days when i was new in D&T. One day, someone cooked something, but some people were not satisfied by it. So they went to a nearby restaurant. But they went quietly because they did not want the brother to get offended. They were embarrassed and hid what they did. No words, what more photos and updates.


Let us rekindle the spirit of selflessness. If we think we have it tough, remember that others are having an even more difficult time. While we eat luxurious food and spend freely, others are struggling because they don't even have lunch money.


This is a reminder to myself first and foremost. forgive me if i've been selfish dear brothers :'(


everything takes time, i guess. To love our brothers more than we love ourselves is a hard attitude to build, especially in today's individualistic society. But its not impossible.

in a land far far away

Insyaallah.

then taste this.

i came across this verse today:

وَيَوْمَ يُعْرَضُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا عَلَى النَّارِ أَلَيْسَ هَذَا بِالْحَقِّ قَالُوا بَلَى وَرَبِّنَا قَالَ فَذُوقُوا الْعَذَابَ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَكْفُرُونَ

And on the Day when those who disbelieve will be exposed to the Fire (it will be said to them): "Is this not the truth?" They will say: "Yes, By our Lord!" He will say: "Then taste the torment, because you used to disbelieve!" (46:34) 

Think about this verse for a few seconds. What is the situation like?

People will be exposed to the Fire. They will see it in front of their own eyes. They're feeling the immense heat from the flames. 

They will be taunted, "IS THIS NOT THE TRUTH?"

In surah al-Ahqaf, there are two verses which begin with "And on the Day when those who disbelieve will be exposed to the Fire". The other one is

وَيَوْمَ يُعْرَضُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا عَلَى النَّارِ أَذْهَبْتُمْ طَيِّبَاتِكُمْ فِي حَيَاتِكُمُ الدُّنْيَا وَاسْتَمْتَعْتُمْ بِهَا فَالْيَوْمَ تُجْزَوْنَ عَذَابَ الْهُونِ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَسْتَكْبِرُونَ فِي الْأَرْضِ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ وَبِمَا كُنْتُمْ 

On the Day when those who disbelieve will be exposed to the Fire (it will be said): "You received your good things in the life of the world, and you took your pleasure therein. Now this Day you shall be recompensed with a torment of humiliation, because you were arrogant in the land without a right, and because you used to rebel and disobey (Allâh). (46:20)

Is this not the truth? Allah asks.

You used to deny the punishment of Allah. You wasted your time, you were given good health but you didn't call people to Allah. a lot of money but you didn't spend it for Allah. "alah, mati lama lagi" (death is far away) This is the Fire in front of you. Isn't this true???

And the people, now feeling this intense heat, knowing that the Fire would consume them, they must be desperate. They would acknowledge that this is true. In fact, they would swear by Allah that it is true.

"Yes, By our Lord!"

They acknowledge their sins. They acknowledge that they had wasted the life that Allah had given. Usually in court people would say 'GUILTY' to lessen their sentences. "because you confessed to being guilty, the court will give you life imprisonment instead of the death penalty".

But in the hereafter, its no use. Their confessions only serve to increase their feeling of despair. Then Allah says

"Then taste the torment, because you used to disbelieve!"

If Cik Kiah was to say the same lines in a Cerekarama movie: "Rasakan, dulu nak sangat masuk sini".

out of thin air

It is true what Allah said in the quran;

وَفِي السَّمَاءِ رِزْقُكُمْ وَمَا تُوعَدُونَ
And in the heaven is your provision, and that which you are promised. (Az-Dzariyat : 22)


Our food, our clothes, our laptops, all our provisions, they don't come from our own work and our own hands. They come from the provider of rizq, Allah SWT, who is also called by Ar-Razzaq (The Provider). But sometimes we get more than what we need. Allah is also al-Wahhab, the Giver of Gifts.

But our provisions are not likely to come like this:

That is the beauty of Allah. He is also al-Lateef, the Subtle, and sometimes He gives you blessings from sources that you could never imagine.

Today i was given something that seemed to have come out from thin air.

It started from last week. At our local mosque, there is a young Somali brother. The most i've ever said to him was 'salam' or 'how are you brother'. Then last Thursday he asked me if the glasses i wore were the only glasses i have. 

i said 'yes' 

and he said 'ok, i have a few pairs, in this country you're lucky, you can go to an optician with the frames and put some presciptions on them. you know, we as muslims we have to take care of one another. I have to go to Switzerland tomorrow, i'll be back this tuesday so i'll see you then insyaallah.'

And he went off in a hurry before you could say 'banana peel'.

So came tuesday (today), and i totally forgot about it. But after 'Asr prayers, this young man came to me

"i believe we had an appoinment"

and he gave me a case. Inside was a brand new pair of glasses. 

I was overwhelmed, and didn't know what to say. "its okay brother, take it. in islam we are brothers and we have to take care of each other's needs". This was a man i had only talked to once or twice. But the purity of his heart was worth more than a million words, and it was as if we had known each other for a lifetime.

Provisions can come from anywhere. The glasses were awesome, yes, but the gift of 'seeing' how small deeds could have big impacts, that is even more awesome.

celebrity treatment

Being a da'ie is like being a celebrity. You're being scrutinized all the time.

I remember when i first met my murabbi (a person who gives tarbiyyah). I was looking at lots of things.

I had this image of what an usrahman must look like. (this is not an exemplary behaviour, but what to do, i was a bit picky *sigh*). What should an usrah guy look like anyways?

Being a da'ie is a tough job. People look at us all the time, and they expect us to be 100% perfect. 

- must be sweet-smelling

- must brush his teeth

- must be smiling all the time

- must have never passed wind all his life

- must must must must must....

"eleh, macam awak tu perfect sangat, nak murabbi yang perfect", (you're not so perfect yourself) said mr. Tom. 

That is why we as D&T-ists must be very careful. Because every little helps. Either they help make it easier for us to convey our message, or help push people away.

Be careful of the qudwah (examples) that we are giving. A good example will be followed throughout the rest of that person's life, and we will get all the rewards as long as he/she keeps doing it. On the other hand, a bad example will also haunt us for the rest of our lives.

And if we are under the guidance of someone else : cut our murabbi some slack. He/she is also human, just like us. And he/she is also trying to improve, just like us. :-)

ticket to controversy

This is a true story. It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.

This person is a government-sponsored student. And as stated in a typical contract, the government will pay for a ticket the first time you go overseas and when you are coming back for good.

So this person requested a ticket. I saw this ticket with my own eyes.

one-way ticket HEATHROW - KLIA = RM16368. That's like 3326 pounds at the current rate. One way. 

To get a feel of how expensive that is, let me tell you how much i paid for my tickets so far.

1st year : london - KL - melbourne - KL - london = 700 pounds

2nd year : london - KL - london = 580 pounds

I was trying to 'husnuszhon', so i thought 'ok, maybe its last minute','maybe its a flexible ticket'.

But then i checked the Malaysian Airlines website. On that date, the price of a ticket including tax and all is about 500 pounds. 

malaysian taxpayers

There may be two explanations.

1. the price of a ticket bought through a travel agency is that expensive. 

2. someone working for the government couldn't be bothered. "its in our budget anyways. might as well spend it all."

If its reason #1, we can't really do anything about that can we.

But if its reason #2, then pity you, dear reader, because i'm going to give a khutbah right now.

*takes deep breath*

DO NOT, and i repeat, DO NOT be careless, especially when you're sitting in a government department handling the hard-earned money given by taxpayers. Yes, nobody's looking, and probably no one will ever know if you mishandle a few cents here, a few cents there.

But Allah knows. he watches us all the time. And we'll be held accountable on the Day of Judgment.

This is the mentality that we're trying to change, the 'tak apa' mentality.

"tak apalah, asalkan gaji aku masuk" (its okay, as long as i get my salary)

"tak apalah, kerajaan banyak kot duit" (its okay, the government has tons of money)

We must care, and we must be responsible. We're not doing a job just because it feeds us. We're the guardians of other people's money. They trust us to use it well. 

Corruption isn't something you can erase through having laws. When people see us, we're not corrupt. But when nobody's seeing, we become corrupt. That's not the way. corruption is erased through having integrity, having a fear of God and the Day of Judgment. People of taqwa won't take what isn't theirs, will be very careful, will ensure that whatever they manage, they manage well. 

And this goes to the rest of us. Fear Allah. Because when the time comes and He gives us a position of responsibility, we might be even worse then those people we call 'corrupt'.