on 13 years stomped upon by the Malaysian political system

what he says is true. the real problem is attitude. problems with the heart, which makes this go a little *cuckoo!* (while pointing to head).

like my forefathers will say, "tada takut tuhan punya olang!" (not god-fearing people!)

people with healthy hearts don't let daughters escape while in police custody.

Nor do they build bungalows worth millions when a lot of the people are suffering *coughcough*

a mum of a friend of a friend of mine worked in one ministry's audit department. She said that a project that was supposed to cost 2 billion was inflated to 16 billion ringgit. Why? because every level of the ministry had to be fed.

Gila punya olang (crazy people).

on the newly conscious

last week was awesome.

a new generation of the newly-conscious.

conscious of what their true meaning of life is, and its ensuing responsibilities.

If the true meaning of life is to gain as much utility as possible, then it makes sense to go and find the best jobs, the most money as possible, the biggest cars, tallest tower, biggest roti canai etc etc.

But what if in the course of searching utility, for example producing the biggest roti canai, we overwork the mamak to death? that wouldn't be responsible, and there'd be no more mamak. The paradox of 'dunya'.

The root of the word 'dunia' comes from reaching for grapes that are beyond the reach of your hand. you try and try, but you'll never grasp it.

So there's another meaning to life, and that is worshipping One, and only One, God.

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنْسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

And I (Allâh) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone). (Az Zariyat:56)

Some people say "but i don't worship statues". Not statues, my dear, idols. physical ones, mental ones, they're all the same if you turn to them, ask help from them, etc more than God himself.

That goes for things like parliament.

-Parliament is the highest authority-

What is wrong with that? We put parliament above everything else, when one of Allah's names clearly tell us that he is

Al-'Aliyy (The Most High)

-Parliament is the highest authority except in matters which Allah has ordained-

That sounds better.

So once you realise and internalise this, you'll look around you to realise that a lot of people are worshipping other things. Not just Parliament, a whole lot of other things. American Idol, politicians, Democracy with a capital D, and the list goes on.

Oh oh.

You, the one who has been helped to see the Light, while others are still in darkness. If you don't help them soon, they may pull you into the darkness, and this time for Eternity.

Good luck.

on complete disavowal

change is hard. but it is the only constant, if Einstein is to be believed.

Changing a worldview? that's even harder.

When the only politics people know is limited to UMNO-Pakatan Rakyat.

When Islam is an exclusive right of mosques, Malays, people wearing kepiahs.

When Islam is not learnt from its source, the Quran and the sunnah, but from 'i think its like this lah..'

And they take comfort in ignorance, not knowing, not even wanting to know.."i can do whatever i want and at the end of the day still go to heaven!"

well good luck. All the signs in The Book say otherwise.

change. Not according to the mould we're used to, no.

For example. a banker wants to create islamic banking, but all he knows is conventional banking, because that's what he was taught. the result? same old, same old conventional banking but with a nice name like 'amanah'.

genuine change. Ibn Khaldun said

"people who found a new dynasty will differ in all respects from the previous dynasty."

So you see, we can't really mix things up and say "well at least there's some parts islamic there"

"To you your way of life and to me my way of life" (Al Kafiruun:6)

understand now what genuine change means?

going back to the first few lines.

It's something beyond UMNO-Pakatan.

Beyond people wearing religious garments.

Nothing, i truly believe, is impossible.

Good luck understanding what i said.

on boarding school, family and karipap panas

yesterday my brother went to boarding school. They grow up so fast, one moment they're watching the backyardigans on Nickelodeon and singing along to kiddie songs and before you know it they're in boarding school. mrsm, of course. and since he's in a tahfiz program, i guess that stands for Maahad Rendah Sains Mara. tee hee

Brought me back to when i first went to boarding school. On the first day, i remembered waving to my parents and brothers and nenek as they drove away, a rolled-up mat slung over my shoulder. that time i didn't cry, had to make a brave face you see. But when i went for my bath, i cried in the shower. before i went to sleep, i cried. there was this road sign saying "MRSM 4km" and when i saw it i cried. Hated that signboard. it was a miserable feeling.

boarding school was like this big, bad monster where your clothes got stolen if you put them on the clothes rack and lockers were occasionally smashed and seniors turned on their radio and played obscene songs. true experience. we are creatures of habit, and being thrust from Backyardigans to Hooligans is not a pretty thing, i pity my brother for that. But maybe because mine wasn't a Maahad, so maybe it ain't that bad.

Oh and it made me realise one more thing. My parents are usually well prepared and when it comes to first day at boarding school they'll pack everything from thirsty hippo to febreze to layering paper so our clothes don't get dirty from the locker. When you're in form 1 you don't appreciate these things and you don't really care because mum does everything and you take it for granted. but yesterday i called my mum and we laughed about packing thirsty hippo and all that and she said "well, we try to make it as comfortable as possible for you so it becomes more bearable". awww :') looking back, it did make life easier :) i remember looking at other people's lockers and there was no paper underneath their clothes and i thought their clothes must be dirty why didn't their parents bring some paper?

which brings me to the actual point of this post: family. Crying was actually a blessing-in-hindsight-in-disguise, i suppose, because it showed i had a family to miss and that was worth missing. whenever i went back home for the weekend my mum would always cook some dishes that were 'makanan wajib' and before i went back to school she'd ask me if i'd like something to drink and i'd answer teh tarik. and then my dad would drop by the 'karipap panas' stall and get me a karipap ayam panas (hot chicken curry puff..where is that stall now anyways??). And its those little things that you cherish. Not the food, silly. The love and attention that your family shows through all those little things, so life becomes more bearable. it took me 5 years of boarding school and 18 months of college and 1 1/2 years of university to put this into writing, *sigh* when all it takes for a mum is a single mug of tea.

and i believe that's where the education starts, at home. people who moved and shook the world were brought up in homes also, they were not born ready to give speeches, or to command armies, or to write books or blogs. I like this quote from Charles Lamb,

"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once."

i pity people who come from less than ideal homes. like this friend of mine who i met in boarding school in form 1. On our first chat he told me he was smoking and was in lock-up by the age of 11. Later i found out his parents were separated. must be hard being in his shoes. So be grateful if you have a caring family, don't complain-complain only.

Build a home on strong foundations, and you can build the world.

on driving up a wall

i think im a bit of an OCD.

obsessive complusive disorder, if you didn't know what that meant.

OCD ranges from mild to severe. For example one person i know arranged his lotion bottles according to height. Another one i know can't stand even a speck of dust. Like the dust is literally invisible.

The walls of my bedroom are cracking and now they don't look perfect.

And the sound of mice scurrying in the ceiling is driving me crazy.